Favorite Student Quotes (Or Sh** My Students Say)

Kids say the darnedest things (from elementary school through high school, they are always just FULL of surprises). I have decided to compile a list of the funniest things my students have said. Expect updates whenever I hear something else I think is funny.

“Some wise person said ‘In the world of theatre, to be early is to be on time, and to be on time is to be late.'”

“My life goal is to look like Lord Voldemort!”

“I thought you were going to get out of there because who wants to sit with a spider? Not me!” (describing what had just happened when they found a spider in my classroom)

“Umm… Maybe you should make it look like a dog and not a platypus.” (while playing Pictionary in class)

“…Well. I really want to know who’s fault the other 5% was, ’cause it wasn’t me!” (when describing an argument she had with her boyfriend to another friend)

“Y’all, I get so emotional in movies… Especially Star Wars. I cried!”

“You’re like a singing box!” (painting an acting block for the school production of Godspell while another student was sitting inside it… singing)

“He shouldn’t have lied on Jesus!” (a student’s interpretation of what happened during Judas’s betrayal of Jesus in the Bible, during Godspell rehearsal)

“He’s like, ‘Aww, HELL no!’ I got kids to feed!” (a student’s reasoning as to why Judas betrayed Jesus for a bag of silver in the first place, during Godspell rehearsal)

“Well don’t feed off of me! Feed off of yourself!” (when experiencing the challenges of memorizing lines during a high school musical)

Students from the Spring Musical last year
Students from the Spring Musical last year

“Mrs. Garrett. Everyone at this school lives in a trailer park! And I can say that because I live in a trailer park!”

“Do you SEE my eyebrows?! That means I’m serious!” (getting angry at her boyfriend while in drama class)

“PLEASE tell me that I look like an African warlord!”

“I need all those vital organs down there, please get off of me.” (one girl talking to her friend who was sitting on her lap)

“My dad said he would buy me a car if I read the whole Bible. I got through Genesis and then stopped listening.”

“And then her chinchilla got out…” (the beginning of a story one of my students was telling her friend)

“But Mrs. Garrett, you don’t understand; it was a ghetto-jank mammoth.” (while we were playing an improv game)

“Miss Brown [my maiden name]!!! She put Joe on a leash!” (about another first grade student getting in trouble)

“Mrs. Garrett, I think I’m the only Asian who goes to this school.”

“Girl! Eight dollars for a ticket?!?! That’s like a whole pizza… At Little’s Caesar’s… A whole pizza and a coke!” (discussing why they weren’t going to the football game)

**Please note that all students’ names have been changed to protect their privacy**

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